I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
