I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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