they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
