..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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