Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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