Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He passed out mid-signature
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
