I want to have your abortion
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
