ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
