Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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