Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
