Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
