Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
