Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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