Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
