Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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