if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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