She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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