I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
