No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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