So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
