I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
