After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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