I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize