Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize