he shaved USA in his pubs
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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