I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize