I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize