FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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