you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
