I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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