I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize