dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No stitches, just platelets and will power
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
