Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
