No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
