my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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