Just mADE A PArabola og urine
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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