The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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