there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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