just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
