your room smells of hookers.
And success
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
