Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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