Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
