hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
