i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
