dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
