You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
