I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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