holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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