she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
