So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
