i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize