Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
