so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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