Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm like, not good at living.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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