I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
