I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
what day is it and did you see me today?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I enjoy the company of your penis
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
