I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
