Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You have to summon your inner elephant
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize