This is not my ceiling
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
