As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
