Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
