why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
