i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just cut my nipple shaving
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
