Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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